I’M (NOT) FOR EVERYONE AND THAT’S GREAT w/ Nilperi Şahinkaya

There’s a belief that dreams foretell the future. Dreams guide us by presenting the fulfilled versions of our desires. However, the dreamer can get lost in this illusion that they perceive as real. To dream is an act of the spirit. The defining characteristic of victory is that it hides among the person’s desires. 

There is no such thing as a mistake, 

No such thing as losing,

To go on is to win.

The goal of happiness that is imposed on us by the feeling of pleasure is not an achievable goal. We can’t give up on our efforts to achieve this goal, one way or another. If you want victory, you need to be ready for war. No fear. No escape. This is the rule of staying in the game: Not giving up. 

Self-actualization lies in realizing your identity every second. To know yourself is first accepting who you are and then having those around you accept it as well. Transforming, but a transformation by self-improvement. Not to be like someone else or to earn someone’s admiration. To become a better version of yourself. Or sometimes worse… But it is important not to forget; there is a very thin line between bad and good and among all this going back and forth, you are closer to winning every moment you think you lose. We are with Nilperi Şahinkaya, someone who transforms each of her individual battles into a win, and chooses to highlight her differences instead of seeing them as a disadvantage. She says “I’m not for everyone, and that’s great”, and knows herself very well. She embraces every version of Nilperi she meets, and for us, that’s a real triumph!

How are you? We ask this to each other from such an ordinary, mundane place… How do you really feel?

NİLPERİ: I don’t know if I’m feeling well, but I feel stronger. Something happened in the last two years. I can’t put my finger on it exactly but for instance, I started missing the state of mind I had during my university years. Until now I’ve never reminisced about the old stuff. Now my past, or more precisely the me in the past comes back to me a lot. I had a large appetite for life since I had a big future ahead. Of course, I faced many disappointments along the way, and my fears scaled. But now, after so many years I wonder, is it really impossible to return to that state of mind? Most people say “I’m not what I used to be” and give up but I believe that we can get back together with the person we missed from years ago, whoever they were. This is nothing but a choice. It’s like portraying a character. I’m to merge in my spirit the dream-filled and wild Nilperi with the stronger Nilperi of today.

How do you approach life; do you keep up with a plan or can you stay in the moment?

NİLPERİ: I am tactful and if my plan fails, I get frustrated. The ecole I was brought up with made me this way, but since we live in chaos, the plans naturally get disrupted, and we constantly find ourselves needing to postpone, cancel, or transform them. I learn about this living in chaos situation by looking at problems and myself from an outsider’s perspective.

The observation skills that come with acting must be helpful.

NİLPERİ: In my social life I’m not an observer. I observe myself. In fact, the thing that contributed the most to my acting was therapy. Discovering yourself, and while doing that, realizing that “the other” is not so different from you. Thinking that the roles you portray also reflect different versions of yourself, calling out to you. It is sufficient for a person to observe their own soul.

“Self-actualization actually lies in creating your identity every second. I think individual victory means following the path you know is right under all circumstances and conditions, knowing where to accelerate and where to stop, being honest but compassionate towards yourself, being your own mother and your own child, and being able to manage your own chaos.“

-Nilperi Şahinkaya

What is your first interaction with a character you work on? How and where do you start with the realization?

NİLPERİ: All the characters I find intriguing grab my attention because they “call out” to me at the first reading. What makes a character interesting is not so much their backstory but how they speak (their lines) and how they relate to themselves and others (their scenes). That’s why no offer arouses interest in me without reading the script. I need to see the scenes. I need to experience the events and feelings through the character’s eyes. If this seems difficult, it’s not at all. You either get excited while reading or you don’t feel anything at all, that’s it. The second stage, of course, is “playing around” with the other actors, which is the exchange between characters; and the third is finding your place in the world the director has created. There are many factors, and they’re all important.

The theater stage is more prominent in Turkey than ever before, and you are one of the strongest figures on that stage. What is it that binds you to a play? Both as a viewer and an actor, what kind of work on stage excites you lately?

NİLPERİ: Since I have been acting in drama for years, I wanted to act in comedy or absurd plays for a while. The play “Cells” that I’m currently performing in has been really good for me, I feel relaxed. I’d like my next play to be fun as well. When choosing a play, of course the most important thing is the text, then the actors I’ll play with and/or the director. Yes, it is difficult for all of them to excite and encourage you at the same time, so sometimes you hold on to one of them. Also, I am a very good theater audience member. As a viewer, I definitely want to watch good acting. Even if one actor performs poorly, I disconnect from the play. The fact that the subjects are up-to-date and conveyed in an impressive way, that is, the creative and innovative touches in the decor, lighting, in short, the direction, excites me very much.

So, when you look at all these variables, where do you see yourself? What stage is your acting at?

NİLPERİ: Actually, I am in need of surprising myself. Of course, as you progress, it becomes more difficult for the actor to surprise themselves with what they can do, but it’s not impossible. In fact, the issue is with the offers, the roles that were always written in a similar and risk-free way bored me. I need a different role offer to surprise myself. I don’t know what it is, believe me, if I knew, I would say it out loud.

What does the feeling of a win mean to Nilperi?

NİLPERİ: I believe it is sufficient to find the inner strength to keep going, in order to win. But this is a very risky subject, because if you are pursuing a dream that you are not actually talented at – for example, if you are bad at acting but want to be an actor – telling you to “keep going and never give up” would be a great disservice. That’s why, above all, you always need to be honest with yourself. If you’re really good at your job, just keep going and know when to step on the gas and when to hit the brakes.

Now, you’re more confident and drawing a clearer picture of you, how did you leave behind the period when you were competing with yourself? What awareness did this transition to maturity come with?

NİLPERİ: Frankly, the awareness came when I realized that exerting too much effort means wearing out in vain. I thought that everything was in my control, therefore my responsibility but life showed me that it wasn’t so and I was relieved. While I was trying to position myself somewhere, I realized that it was better to stay in other places that were more suitable for me. I got to know myself over time. For instance, while striving to be “the girl of the house” and seeking to be loved in that role, I realized that I’m actually unconventional, and it was great to take advantage of this, embracing and polishing this part of myself. Life brought me here. I’m not for everyone, and that’s great.

Are you closer to dreams or reality? 

NİLPERİ: I’m closer to reality now, but I want to get a little closer to the dreamer I used to be because it makes a person more passionate. I want to prove to myself that it’s possible to be both a dreamer and realistic without going overboard.

Does having luck or creating your own luck turn the scales? 

NİLPERİ: Definitely creating your own luck. If I had gotten to where I am by chance, I would have no self-confidence. Let me even go further, I would be unhappy. There’s no meaning in anything without struggle. Happiness is about finding the strength to fight within.

Are you afraid of making mistakes?

NİLPERİ: I’m afraid, but at the same time, I secretly desire it. Do you know that there is actually no difference between being very afraid and desiring very much?

Being on the extremes always nourishes us. In fact, the thin line between two extreme emotions proves where we stand in life and how we can suddenly change roles. So, in what situations do you feel stronger? 

NİLPERİ: There are some moments when things that used to upset, anger, or frighten no longer scare you. You realize you’re coping now. You know this too shall pass. You don’t even dwell on it. At that moment you realize that you are getting stronger. Still, when I’m scared, I ask myself, “What are you afraid of?” Only drivel comes, answers from the past. Then the fear loses its meaning. 

Is it harder to be Nilperi or remain Nilperi? 

NİLPERİ: Being Nilperi is harder. Since Nilperi is a being who’s “being”, taking shape, one can’t remain Nilperi. The process of actualizing Nilperi is challenging.

Can we consider self-actualization an individual triumph? 

NİLPERİ: Absolutely. Self-actualization actually lies in creating your identity every second. I think individual victory means following the path you know is right under all circumstances and conditions, knowing where to accelerate and where to stop, being honest but compassionate towards yourself, being your own mother and your own child, and being able to manage your own chaos.

Cover Guest Nilperi Şahinkaya

Creative Direction and Words by Duygu Bengi

Fashiıon Direction by Burak Sanuk

Photographed by Burcu Karademir

Fashiıon Editor Murat Şentürk

Set Design Yeşim Yeşilçimen

Hair by Mustafa Akgül

Make Up by Yağız Yoldaş

Creative Production by BI Creative

Creative Team Belgin Demirhan, Birce Naz Köş, Şevval Küçüktır, Umutcan Öncü⁠

Gaffer Ömer Rauf Aksoy

Gaffer Assistants Doğan Güneş

Best Boy Taner Altundaş

Director Assistant Hasan Küçükyıldırım

Make Up Assistant Yeliz Acar

Hair Assistant Enes Sakızcı

Set Design Assistants Yavuz Selim Kalaycı, Yusuf Şengönül, Sude Vural